I'm not going to hell
It all started when I was in college. Exactly when is hard to pin down, a general push toward critical and logical thinking (I have a degree in Electronic Engineering) and a general increase in the number and types of view points I was exposed to. An argument with a Baptist Minister involving my girlfriend was also a contributing factor. But somewhere in that time period, I began to have doubts.
Not serious doubts, nothing that would lead to damnation and a rejection of the faith in which I was raised. Just a . . . cooling. A recognition that some things just did not add up. A recognition of the fact that I was no longer hot for Jesus. A new appreciation for the humor of the 'fish' christian symbol with legs attached.
When I moved out on my own and to another city, I had too much time on my hands and a friend in the book distribution business. She gave me some really good books to read, and I read them. Elaine Pagels 'Gnostic Gospels' was one that still really stands out for me. At that time, Christianity was something that I had temporarily set aside, a well-worn coat that I assumed would be put back on at a later date. Reading that book opened up a whole new universe. Sunday school is not the place to learn that the early Christian church was really just one big argument (or one hundred little ones). Seeing that (and some other reading on church history) really undermined my faith.
The whole protestant reformation was kicked off by a man that enjoyed burning people at the stake. Is this a faith, a religion worthy of adulation? I had been told 'Jesus is Love'. I was told this many times. I was told this so many times that it was a while before I could actually SEE what the man had said. There was not a lot of love there. If what I was basing my belief on was a book put together out of self interest, a dubious historical personage, and a lot of creative wish thinking and the words of power hungry ignorant savages, what was there to have faith in? Where was the truth?
During this time, I poked around other religions, a little self study in comparative religion. Taoism was nice, the Pooh version of it anyway. I also got into some psychology texts and some pseudo science fads held my attention for a while (Carlos Castaneda, anyone? A little Celestine Prophecy to tide you over?) All of this study gave me a headache and serious doubts about objective reality and my own existence, not just the faith of my childhood. That was taking things too far, so I stopped. Then I met my wife and, for a long time, had more important things to focus on.
About 2 weeks ago, I read Christopher Hitchens' "God is Not Great", followed quickly by Sam Harris "Letter to a Christian Nation" and "End of Faith", then Richard Dawkins "The God Delusion". And now . . .
NOW, I can honestly say that I am not going to hell. I am not, and you aren't either.
Not serious doubts, nothing that would lead to damnation and a rejection of the faith in which I was raised. Just a . . . cooling. A recognition that some things just did not add up. A recognition of the fact that I was no longer hot for Jesus. A new appreciation for the humor of the 'fish' christian symbol with legs attached.
When I moved out on my own and to another city, I had too much time on my hands and a friend in the book distribution business. She gave me some really good books to read, and I read them. Elaine Pagels 'Gnostic Gospels' was one that still really stands out for me. At that time, Christianity was something that I had temporarily set aside, a well-worn coat that I assumed would be put back on at a later date. Reading that book opened up a whole new universe. Sunday school is not the place to learn that the early Christian church was really just one big argument (or one hundred little ones). Seeing that (and some other reading on church history) really undermined my faith.
The whole protestant reformation was kicked off by a man that enjoyed burning people at the stake. Is this a faith, a religion worthy of adulation? I had been told 'Jesus is Love'. I was told this many times. I was told this so many times that it was a while before I could actually SEE what the man had said. There was not a lot of love there. If what I was basing my belief on was a book put together out of self interest, a dubious historical personage, and a lot of creative wish thinking and the words of power hungry ignorant savages, what was there to have faith in? Where was the truth?
During this time, I poked around other religions, a little self study in comparative religion. Taoism was nice, the Pooh version of it anyway. I also got into some psychology texts and some pseudo science fads held my attention for a while (Carlos Castaneda, anyone? A little Celestine Prophecy to tide you over?) All of this study gave me a headache and serious doubts about objective reality and my own existence, not just the faith of my childhood. That was taking things too far, so I stopped. Then I met my wife and, for a long time, had more important things to focus on.
About 2 weeks ago, I read Christopher Hitchens' "God is Not Great", followed quickly by Sam Harris "Letter to a Christian Nation" and "End of Faith", then Richard Dawkins "The God Delusion". And now . . .
NOW, I can honestly say that I am not going to hell. I am not, and you aren't either.
posted by Oakbox at 1:38 AM
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